I went to the dentist yesterday. After the hygienist finished the cleaning, the dentist—who I’ve been seeing since I moved to NYC, and who The Dude started going to in 2012—came in for my exam. We chatted while he performed the exam, which ended, as it always does, with him palpating my neck and throat to check for oral cancer, TMJ, etc. Yesterday, though, he said, “Hang on, I just need to check one more thing,” and he took my left hand and started doing the same palpating motion on my left ring finger. “Nope, still negative. We’ll have to discuss that at The Dude’s next appointment.” Because I am physically unable to melt into a puddle, Alex Mack-style, I let out some sort of snort-laugh-eye roll combination that likely came across as simultaneously defensive and pathetic. Meanwhile, my dentist grinned as he walked out of the room, INCREDIBLY pleased with his HILARIOUS joke.
On my way back to the office, I checked Facebook on my phone. I saw that a family friend’s daughter had given birth to her third kid, and the friend posted pictures of herself with her new grandchild. Scrolling through the pictures, I noticed that my mother had commented, “You are so lucky! I CAN’T WAIT to be a grandmother!!!!”
Is there a female equivalent for the phrase “get off my dick”? Because, if so, I would like to have that in my arsenal for the foreseeable future.
Fits into skinny work pants this morning
Celebrates by getting bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich for breakfast
I just learned that there is a German word for second hand embarrassment: “fremdschämen.”
So I guess today wasn’t a total loss.
Here is what everyone should and shouldn’t do today, in light of the video that TMZ released from the inside of the elevator where Ray Rice punched and knocked out his wife, Janay:
- Don’t ask for more facts. We know enough about what happened. A woman was abused. That’s all you need to know.
- Don’t assume you know what Janay should have done in that situation.
- Don’t pretend to know what Janay should do today.
- Don’t forget that an estimated 1.3 million women are victims of physical assault by an intimate partner each year.
- Don’t fail to realize that the vast majority of those women don’t have TMZ leaking videotapes that provide clear-cut evidence of their abuse.
- Don’t watch Monday Night Football tonight. I know it probably doesn’t matter in the long run, but…
- Do take a stand against domestic violence.
Hunting for bobby pins under the rug. As one does.
Seeing a blog that you used to read and INSTANTLY remembering why you unfollowed.
I was just told by a coworker that I look really tired. I got 8 hours of sleep last night.
Really can’t wait for my 32nd birthday next week, you guys.
The end of August. The Starry Virgin ascends.
The zodiac is simply one of many klatches among the cosmos, and its chatter does not offer particularly accurate prescription, description, or prognostication. (Excellent gossip, though—suffice it to say if Cassiopeia seems to have drifted a bit toward Andromeda, it may not be a mere trick of the atmosphere.)
And yet some of the folklore that has accrued to the signs speaks deeply. For example. The metal affiliated with Virgo is mercury. ”Witch the Third,” speakest thou, “isn’t it a bit of a stretch to call Queen ‘metal’?” And unto thee I reply: No, ew, read a book.
In any case, those of us who in this life first squalled to the sky in late summer do find particular freedom coursing through the clouds or along that witchiest of interstates, Route 10, on the sun-searing, soul-speeding chants of early 70s Mercury.
Happy Birthday, Virgo Sistren. Hail and Praise. To you this day I give:
Mercury Reflecting Light.
This is literally the first time in my life that I have cared about my astrological sign. Thank you, Charmcore.