Day 1 / Day 2. Chili season is in full swing. And that egg idea is a good one.

Hello I highlighted my hair this weekend for the first time this millennium and I think I like it a lot but also I am filing a brief today so here is a giant unedited picture of my face.

Hello I highlighted my hair this weekend for the first time this millennium and I think I like it a lot but also I am filing a brief today so here is a giant unedited picture of my face.



I applaud the creators of these cheese emojis. Such variety!

(We still need a taco, though.)


I applaud the creators of these cheese emojis. Such variety!


(We still need a taco, though.)

umcanyounot said: Would you rather have a personal chef or an in-house masseuse? What's the most overrated thing about Manhattan? What is your favorite meat preparation?

I really love cooking and I think I would feel weird if someone cooked for me all the time. Like, I only recently got to the point of being okay with having a house cleaner without feeling like I’m being classist or anti-feminist or something. (Yes, hello, first world problems, check your privilege, let’s move on.) That said, I would have NO PROBLEM WHATSOEVER employing someone to sit in my house and rub my feet and my back whenever I wanted. 

The most overrated thing about Manhattan is Central Park. SORRY. It’s completely overcrowded with misbehaving children, tourists, enormous piles of horse shit, runners and bikers who are SMUG AS FUCK, and teenagers in dance troupes who always want to jump over my head. THIS IS NOT STEP UP 2, THIS IS A PARK, PLEASE TAKE IT TO THE STREETS. Riverside Park and the Battery Park Esplanade are much better options, not to mention Prospect Park in Brooklyn. 

My most favorite meat preparation is cured. Cured pork, cured beef, cured what the fuck ever. My second favorite meat preparation is in front of me, on a plate. Actually, I don’t need the plate. And yes, I was a vegetarian for 11 years. 

Anonymous said: FMK ... Olive Garden, Chili's, TGIFridays

F: TGI Fridays

M: Chili’s

K: Olive Garden. 

These are the correct answers. 

Anonymous said: You mentioned chili toppings recently and didn't mention a fried (or poached) egg on top. Any thoughts? We love an egg on top of our chili in this house. Then again, we'll find a reason to put an egg on top of most any food.

It’s funny that you mention this, because I am also a card-carrying member of the “just throw an egg on top of it” political party. But I hadn’t thought of putting an egg on chili until last weekend, when I went to Homegrown and ordered “Kevin’s Breakfast,” which is “cheese grits & chili topped with 2 eggs served w/a side of toast or biscuit.” (Obviously, I chose a biscuit. I have a soul.) I don’t know who Kevin is but I wish I had shook his hand because MY GOD that breakfast was life changing. The runny yolk mixed in with the chili and the grits fully restored my hungover spirit. So yes, this is something that I will have to adopt going forward. 

(The Dude does not like eggs, generally, although he is okay with a poached egg in ramen. Perhaps that is how I will have to spin this situation. Or I will just eat ALL OF THE EGGS MYSELF.) 

Fuck you guys. 
(For reference.)

Fuck you guys. 

(For reference.)

Anonymous said: How does the dude feel about your POV on marriage? Has your or the dude's POV changed during your relationship? (Yes I went there so soon after dentist

The Dude and I feel pretty similarly about it — we are both in no rush and we both realize that things won’t really change if/when we do get married. If we do, though, please note that our wedding will include an open bar and custom koozies. Those are my two requirements. 

emilyposts said: If you were forced to eat mayonnaise what would be your preferred method of consumption?

I had pimento cheese for the first time ever when I was in Atlanta last weekend. That apparently has mayonnaise in it, and it was pretty good. I mean, I can’t think of many things that you can’t add cheese and peppers to without resulting in a vast improvement. (This, by the way, would be my strategy if I was ever a contestant on Chopped.)

I would also eat mayonnaise that was served to me on a stack of crisp $100 bills. 

dealwithitdotgif said: What is your favorite seasonal beer? Any season, any brewery.

So I don’t *~*love*~* seasonal beers, actually. Mostly because I don’t like BIG BEVERAGE telling me what I can and can’t drink during certain months of the year. So instead, here is a list of my favorite beers to drink by season, regardless of their year-round availability. 

  • Autumn: Smutty Nose Old Brown Dog Ale
  • Winter: Blue Mountain Brewery Evil 8° Dubbel Style Ale
  • Spring: Sixpoint Crisp
  • Summer: Bud Light Lime COME AT ME BRO

littlejandthecity said: If (when) that awful DC football team gets the first pick in the draft, who do you think Dbag Snyder will pick?

He will pick Jameis Winston, who will then:

  1. Become our 2nd string quarterback for the first game of the season (behind Kirk Cousins, who has apparently become the new Messiah of the DMV)
  2. Speak out against the name change (being a Florida State Seminole and all)
  3. Suffer a career-ending injury AND/OR commit a violent felony before Thanksgiving. 



If you don’t return from a long weekend in Atlanta with your body consisting of 65% alcohol and 35% grits, then you didn’t do the trip right. 

Anonymous said: 1) I am with you 110% on the fall=chilli=most important issue. 2) It has come to my attention recently that there are people who do not know that they should be putting avocado into chilli. I hope you aren't one of them.

Look, I obviously love chili as a standalone food item, but let’s be clear: chili is really a delivery vehicle for any combination of the following: 

  • Avocado
  • Cheese
  • Scallions
  • Crushed up tortilla chips
  • Cilantro
  • Sour cream IF YOU NASTY
  • Fritos IF YOU FANCY

Basically, chili is nachos in bowl form and should be treated as such. Thank you.