December 2011
bees-knees asked: Besides bloody marys and scotch, what is your favorite thing to drink? Also, what do you keep under your desk?
twodoxiesandtoomanyshoes asked: did you make a Christmas wishlist this year or leave everything up to chance?
.....and DONE.
I’ve been killing myself for the last week at work to finish everything before my vacation (where I am told I will have little to no Blackberry access, THANK GOD). But during the last hour, I reviewed my final set of documents, sent a brief to a partner, and turned on my out of office. So although I’m not leaving the office for another couple of hours, I am OFFICIALLY on vacation for...
The Two Best Responses* To Last Night's Top Chef:
1. Bobby Big Wheel’s Analysis of Heather’s Life Choices:
Lady Manderly says it’s difficult to have a relationship because she’s so “career focused” Yeah, that and you’re a bitch. That’s like saying “oh, I’m single because I’m too career driven and flesh eating bacteria ate away my face”
2. Videogum Gabe’s Explanation of the Quick Fire Challenge:
This week, Top Chef fans...
Obligatory "Sorry for the Lack of Posts" Post
But I have so much shit to do between now and Friday, I just put “exchange christmas gifts with The Dude” on my to-do list. Because I will forget to do that otherwise.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS, Y’ALL.
Today in Topical Yet Still Idiotic Facebook Status...
WAS IT NATURAL OR DID HE GO LIKE THAT LYBIAN LEADER MOMAR GUY
Thought Catalog | A Speculative List of Jay Z's 99... →
35. Still unable to get through Joyce’s Ulysses; currently on his fourth attempt; contributes to an insecurity that holds he’s “not good enough” and “not intellectual.”
36. Three-week long stalemate with Beyonce regarding a particular baby name.
This is perfect.
(via Meg)
Old Crow Medicine Show, Wagon Wheel
At the office...
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Today in Idiotic Facebook Status Updates
[Redacted] ate a banana and now plans to eat an orange. i plan on using the bathroom with ease…OH YEAH!!!!!!
Happy opposite-of-Smile-Friday, folks.
Live Blogging My Shame Spiral, Part 3
I just spilled some guacamole from my Chipotle burrito bol on an original signed and notarized affidavit, yelled “OH FUCK” at least three times, wiped it up with my finger, decided to lick the guacamole off my finger, and then looked up to see that my door wasn’t closed like I thought it was and that my mail guy saw the entire thing.
Photo replies are enabled. Save me from...
The Shame Continues
Yesterday, I called someone “so two thousand and late” without even a hint of irony. Today I have done the following:
Unintentionally flashed all of the security guards in my building’s lobby;
Received an iTunes receipt for “I Like It” by Enrique Iglesias featuring Pitbull, which I do not remember purchasing;
Eaten not a small amount of Momofuku crack pie for...
And now, back to your regularly scheduled...
I just non-ironically used the phrase “you’re so two thousand and late” in an email and I am INCREDIBLY ashamed of myself.
“When I die if you need to weep
Cry for your brother or sister
Walking the...”
– This is a thank you for everyone’s kind words yesterday. Today is going better, mostly because my family is slowly leaving the city. The funeral was beautiful, awkward, and terrible, which is how funerals are supposed to go, I guess. But the above poem was read at the minyon service back at my...
It’s hard hearing the news of the death of a family member while wearing a Santa costume.
It’s hard going to his apartment, picking up what he knew would be his burial suit.
It’s hard comforting the son who knows—because he was so often told—that he wasn’t the favorite.
It’s hard getting a phone call from a stranger, telling you that your mother got...
“I don’t want to die without any scars.”
– Chuck Palahnuik, Fight Club
Poor Decisions
I thought I was going to have to work all weekend to prepare for a trial that started on Monday. So, when The Dude asked me if I wanted to go to Santacon with him and some of his friends this Saturday, I said, “If I’m not working, sure!” And of course by that I meant, “No way in hell, that sounds miserable, why on earth would you put yourself through that sort of...
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An Annotated Response To That New York Post Tim...
Tebow is respectful, wholesome and a man of God. He has no obvious failings besides an inaccurate throwing arm.
Well that is unfortunate, as THAT IS HIS JOB. Not to teach us all about Jesus. His job is to THROW THE BALL TO SOMEONE ELSE, and if he wasn’t talking about God all the fucking time, then no one would be talking about him.
The New York Giants famously prayed on the sideline...
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Today in Awkward Department-Wide Emails
Pardon the interruption. A client has asked for a recommendation for a criminal defense attorney in State College, PA. Any leads or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you,
[Redacted]
UM…..
Julia's Impatient Product Reviews
I am not one of those people who has a “beauty regimen.” I mean, I put some stuff on my face every day, but what that stuff is changes all the time, based on something I read in a magazine/see on Tumblr/get a free sample of from Sephora. I just don’t have the patience to stick with a product until the end of the bottle, which I know is stupid, but it’s just how I am....
“I don’t have a TV. I’m a T-Vegan.”
– My brother, ladies and gentlemen.
“Three more of my coworkers got engaged over Thanksgiving. We are the 1%.”
– My friend J., who, like The Dude, is not proposing to his girlfriend anytime soon.
