You're correct that only the DC USA office has a sex offense unit and, for whatever it's worth to the anon, it's possible to start in DV misdemeanors on your first day. There's a caveat, though - USA-DC only hires attorneys with at least a year of litigation experience elsewhere (most people come from either clerkships or biglaw). Hiring is super rough in all USA offices across the country right now, though. The DA's offices in NYC are a lot easier to get into, form a sheer number's perspective.
Thanks! Very helpful. LET’S ALL FIGHT SEX CRIMES LIKE ALEXANDRA CABOT.
Any recommendations for someone trying to start on the path to becoming an Assistant U.S. Attorney in NYC? I'm in the saving money/just graduated undergrad/won't start law school immediately until I have monies...you know phase. I want to go into the sexual/domestic violence division (though that's after some time of course, that's just my goal). Obviously it's not for the money. It's personal.
First of all, I’m pretty sure that there isn’t a sexual/domestic violence division at the US Attorney’s Office in NYC. There is one in Washington, because their USAO also serves as their District Attorney’s office. So maybe you are thinking of the NYC DA’s office?
Regardless, if you want to get a job at the US Attorney’s Office in NYC, you should apply to be a paralegal there now. I mean, you will also probably have to (1) go to a really good law school, (2) do well in said law school, and (3) clerk for prestigious judges. But lots of people also do those things and then apply to the USAO and don’t get a job. Having a relationship with the office before you apply, though, can only improve your chances, especially because the people you worked with when you were a paralegal will push your application to the front of the line.
What should I do my 1L summer? And no, quitting law school is not an option. Oh, I did NOT end up going to UChicago so let's make it 2/2 shall we?
CONGRATULATIONS ON NOT BECOMING A U CHICAGO WEIRDO!!!
So 1L summer is sort of odd. The only real goal of the summer is for you to do something that you can talk about when you are interviewing for jobs at the end of the summer for after your 2L year. So you can take multiple approaches to that. First, you can work somewhere totally awesome and amazing and get some incredible experience. Or you can also do something totally not noteworthy or interesting but is still SOMETHING that you can put on your résumé. And honestly, 1L summer is basically a joke so no one will really give a fuck which path you choose.
I took the latter approach and was a research assistant for two of my professors who were writing a new textbook on public health law. And it was great because (1) I did a lot of research and writing and wrote a chapter of an *~*actual legal textbook*~* so I had plenty to talk about when I was interviewing for a summer associate job, and (2) I got to stay in Charlottesville, do most of my work at the pool, and keep my bartending job at night with all of my non-law school friends. It was actually pretty perfect. Oh also, it was PAID, which is a rarity in this post-2008-Lehman-Bros world. So you should expect to make zero American dollars. Sorry. I told you to do something else.
Okay so let’s get down to the actual advice, right?
FIRST. Don’t work at a firm. Even (especially!) if you want to work at a firm when you graduate, don’t work at a firm as a 1L. No one takes 1L summer associates seriously anyway and you’ll do bullshit work that won’t even be interesting enough to talk about at a job interview. If biglaw is your ULTIMATE goal (may god have mercy on your soul), then either look for a 1L summer clerkship or get a government internship.
SECOND. Try to find something that you are ACTUALLY interested in. I know that 1L fall has probably beaten all sense of personality out of you, but try to remember what it felt like to be an actual human with interests and hobbies. If you can find something related to one of those, great! That will make talking about it during future job interviews much more compelling.
THIRD. Public interest jobs are awesome for your 1L summer. But keep some things in mind. They are hard as fuck to come by now, because all of the people who used to get summer jobs at firms are competing for them too, and, as a result, you will probably have to either get a fellowship/grant or work your connections TO DEATH in order to get one. So allow a lot of time for this when you’re applying, and don’t expect to get hired by the ACLU.
FOURTH. You can always still quit, you know.
UPDATE: I would like to add that The Dude disagrees with my advice regarding working at a law firm during your 1L summer. Specifically, “firm jobs, even 1L year, pay fucking stacks on stacks on stacks compared to other 1L jobs, which will allow you to either live much better your 2L year or take out a bunch less in loans, which will certainly add up in these days of 8% interest rates. Second, a bunch of firms actually sponsor public interest fellowships, or at least public interest splits for 1Ls, so you’re not even really applying for a firm job, you’re applying for a public interest fellowship that pays like a firm job.” All good points, take note.
Every missed call is a suicide. Every voicemail is an overdose.
That’s what you assume, anyway.
You’ve lived with that fear for so long — and rightly so — that sooner or later, the fear becomes the baseline. Even when life is relatively manageable, it may go into hiding, but it never goes away.
And living with the fear has side effects. Big ones. Your tolerance for bullshit goes down, which is a good thing. Probably. But it means that your tolerance for, well, being tolerant, goes out the window. You hear one piece of bad news — one relapse, one sleepless night, one side effect — and you can’t help but not only fear the worst but expect it. And react as if the worst is already happening. He’s back in the hospital, she’s back to insanity, the money’s all gone. There’s no escaping this state of heightened alert. Everything is a symptom and nothing can be unexplained.
You think that you’re just preparing yourself for the worst. But self-protection can only go so far.
Maybe, by living in the fear, you’re preventing it from happening. If you’re always looking for the bad, with your shoulders up around your ears and your synapses on alert and your reflexes constantly ready to snap, then maybe the bad will never actually happen. Like bringing an umbrella to work in the morning, you are somehow preventing the rain.
But every drought ends. It always ends up raining anyway.
And every missed call might be the one that brings the storm.
After your truly inspired risotto post, all I'm saying is that if food network gave you your own show, I would actually watch cooking shows. Also, maybe Johnny Weir could co-host.
Obviously, in my future cooking show, my co-host will be Beyonce. (I will wear very, very high heels.) Jay will drop by on occasion with Blue when we do a “how to cook a meal for your whole family” segment. Also Joe Biden, RGIII, and Christopher Meloni will serve as our rotating bartenders, borrowing heavily from the format used by Andy Cohen on Watch What Happens Live. I don’t know if Johnny Weir eats so much as he absorbs a food’s nutrients by passing his hand over it like some sort of ephemeral ghost creature, but he can certainly act as one of our judges when we inevitably participate in (and WIN) a Restaurant Wars-style competition.
i watched a barefoot contessa episode where ina bakes the risotto in liquid and then at the end, takes it out to stir it once more. obviously the easier route but as a risotto maven, what are your thoughts?
Can you please google "Faces of Olympic Figure Skating"? Because it seems like twizzling might be melting people's faces off their skulls, and I think we should probably be spreading the word about the dangers of ice dancing. JK, never stop ice dancing, you crazy unicorns.
Monday: wake up, feel like I have moderate cold, purchase Dayquil from behind pharmacy counter because people make meth out of it, go to work.
Monday night: feel better due to meth medicine, go to gym to run 3 miles as per half-marathon training plan, lose ability to breathe 1.65 miles in, die in gross NYSC locker room, resuscitate myself.
Tuesday morning: wake up at 6 am, feel shockingly fine, go to Bar Method class as scheduled, do not die, try to say goodbye to instructor at end of class but open mouth to find that literally no sound comes out, work from home to avoid verbally communicating with other humans.
Tuesday night: voice partially returns, go to friend’s work event sounding like boy going through puberty, get sushi with The Dude afterwards, mainline green tea.
Wednesday morning, 4 am: WAKE UP TO ACTUAL DAGGERS STABBING THE INSIDE OF MY TONSILS.
Currently: lying on couch, watching Olympics coverage, wondering if segment on Today Show with Matt and Al in a Russian bathhouse was a fever dream, sadly learning it was not.
When Missouri defensive end Michael Sam announced publicly over the weekend that he’s gay, the negative responses predictably broke down into two groups: the proud, unrepentant homophobes who called him an abomination and a faggot, and the folks who insisted they weren’t homophobic but just wondered why Sam had to be all up in their faces about his sexual orientation.
The second group would like you to believe there’s plenty of daylight between themselves and the first. Do not let them get away with this. What these folks call “throwing it in people’s faces,” we straights just call “living normal lives.” Don’t we? I mean, I can post pictures of hot redheads on my blog, read (heh, “read”) the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue on the bus to work, and introduce my fiancée around to everyone I know without any repercussions for these overt displays of heterosexuality. Yet all Michael Sam does is say he’s gay and all of a sudden he’s this flamboyant attention-seeker. Can we really not see the double-standard here?
The alternative to Michael Sam coming out and “throwing it in people’s faces,” of course, would be to stay in the closet, hide the truth about whom he loves … and basically act straight. In other words, do exactly the things that gay people had to do for centuries before we entered a slightly more enlightened time in which gay people aren’t automatically condemned as evil perverts. Is that what the “throwing it in my face” crowd would prefer? Apparently, even having to acknowledge the existence of something they don’t agree with or aren’t comfortable with is too much for some people’s delicate sensibilities to handle. You can call that a lot of things, but you can’t call it “tolerance.”
Keep a very close eye out for these people if you’re a sports fan inclined to participate in comment threads or message boards. You’ll hear a lot of them profess tolerance and declare that they don’t care what someone’s sexual orientation is, but then they’ll take that a step further and wonder “why this is even a story” they have to hear about. The answer is pretty simple: It’s a story because no active pro or college football player has come out before. And the reason none of them have come out before is because they feared the reactions of teammates, sportswriters and fans — i.e. members of the “stop throwing it in my face” crowd. The longer we as a society forced gay football players to live in the closet, the bigger a story we made it when one of them inevitably decided to come out.
If you’re one of those folks who doesn’t like reading all this news coverage of a player’s homosexuality, try this: Instead of complaining to anyone who will listen about how you don’t want to have to hear about it, just pipe down. The less of a fuss we make about the first gay player coming out, the sooner the next player will come out, and the next one, and the next one after that, until openly gay professional athletes are as common and non-newsworthy as the sun rising in the East. That’s what a tolerant, non-homophobic person like yourself really wants … isn’t it?
Mr. Sam, 24, is projected to be chosen in the early rounds of the N.F.L. draft in May, ordinarily an invitation to a prosperous professional career. He said he decided to come out publicly now because he sensed that rumors were circulating.
“I just want to make sure I could tell my story the way I want to tell it,” said Mr. Sam, who also spoke with ESPN on Sunday. “I just want to own my truth.”
So happy for Michael Sam, so in awe of his courage, and so hopeful that he is accepted by whomever his new teammates are in the NFL.
“When tragedies like these deaths happen to celebrities, they should be a wake-up call for the rest of us. If someone who has everything going for them can be so horribly enslaved to what they know could kill them, imagine what it’s like for the average addict. Addiction is bigger than class, race, religion, or any other factor that one might hope would reduce its captive hold. Succumbing to it isn’t selfish. It’s horribly sad and extremely difficult to prevent, even though it is, in theory, preventable. The way we talk about a celebrity who ODs says a lot about the way we think about people who are struggling around us. It’s time we tried to understand struggles we don’t endure ourselves. It’s called empathy, and we could all use a lot more of it.”—A Note About Philip Seymour Hoffman: Addiction Is Not Selfish. | The Electric Feast (via slavin)
I know people hate “personal” stories right after a celebrity dies, but I don’t care, I’m going to share this anyway.
One night during my first winter in New York City, I was trying to hail a cab in Midtown while it was snowing. After waiting on 7th Avenue for what seemed like ages, one of the big SUV cabs finally pulled over to let out its passenger. The taxi door opened and Philip Seymour Hoffman stepped out. I tried to get into the cab, but it was hard for me to step up into the SUV because it was so icy. Philip Seymour Hoffman took my hand, helped me into the cab, shut the door behind me, and gave a little wave as the cab drove away.
It was such a small gesture, but at the same time, it was a really lovely thing to do, especially for a celebrity, and especially to someone who was, at the time, so intimidated by this city. It’s something that has always stayed with me.
The Super Bowl is about three things, in no particular order because that’s not the riot we’re here to start today: 1. The Football 2. The Commercials 3. The Food. Maybe The Halftime Show too, but that mostly depends on whether or not we get to see some nipple action.
It’s your right to play along with this game, and to spend hours debating whether onion dip is better than vegetable soup mix dip (which, in fact, is a logical fallacy, as both of them are equally good at sending you to the hospital with gastrointestinal distress). However, if you’ve come to this website for The Truth, below is a list of the best Super Bowl dips currently in existence:
Crab dip (bonus points for being served on toast points)
Spinach and artichoke dip (this in particular is the Alpha and the Omega)
Guacamole (made with lemon juice and Cholula, try it and you will worship me as your supreme leader)
Melted Velveeta mixed with Rotel (I regret nothing)
You know how, sometimes, after you go on vacation, you are so exhausted from traveling and your apartment is a mess and you don’t even have time to unpack, so you feel like you need a second vacation just to recover from the first one? For me, taking last week off was like that: the second vacation that left me actually feeling rested and rejuvenated and not in the throes of a constant anxiety attack.
I recognize that I am incredibly privileged to even have the opportunity to take a full week off like this — I have an actual shitload of unused vacation time, and I don’t have any dependents or other responsibilities that would keep me from enjoying myself. So I know that I am really, really lucky to have been able to do something like this. But if you are feeling stressed and anxious and generally frustrated with your life, and if you can afford to take some time off, all I can say is do it. Don’t have a plan, don’t schedule anything more than one day in advance. Just take a week off to explore whatever place you live in. I can guarantee that it will be time well spent.