May 2013
WatchULTIMATE CAT FIGHTING CHAMPIONSHIP 2013
(At this point, I should probably start charging admission. Or at the very least put this on pay-per-view.)
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Exactly one month ago today, I woke up to a phone call. “Your brother is in the hospital. We don’t know what’s wrong. When can you come to Virginia?”
Nothing has been the same since then.
I spent those first few hours panicked, genuinely scared. There wasn’t any anger or resentment or stress. That came later. All I knew was that he was sick, and he needed to get...
REAL TALK
I’m not listening to any of you paleo diet motherfuckers until I see one of you kill a cow with a spear.
I figured out how to add my own text to gifs today, you guys.
Mother’s Day is hard this year.
I feel badly even complaining, since my mother is alive and able to answer the phone when I called her this morning. So many people in the world don’t have that luxury.
But it’s still hard this year. It’s hard for me, and harder for her.
Our little dysfunctional family is more fragmented today, even though we are geographically closer than we’ve been in...
Required reading.
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EXCLUSIVE MET BALL PHOTO
All of the references to Tumblr on last night's...
It’s really an uncanny resemblance, don’t you think?
Random Friday Thoughts
Creating a gallery wall in your apartment is an ideal form of procrastination. Those frames never hang straight.
My life is basically one long search for a skinny mirror.
My Bar Method studio is having teacher try outs to staff their forthcoming midtown location. I seriously thought about auditioning for exactly 0.32 seconds before nearly having an aneurysm from laughing so hard.
Microsoft...
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Remove the words “in a movie” and you basically have my life, in gif format.
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April 2013
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West Village Co-op Sues City Over Bike Share... →
Well this was bound to happen. Disgruntled residents of a co-op at 99 Bank Street filed a lawsuit against the city and Department of Transportation over the placement of bike share racks on their street. DNAinfo reports that the property owners want a dock for 31 Citi Bikes to be removed from the corner of Bank and Hudson Streets. It was installed in the parking lane on the north side of Bank...
Anonymous asked: Newer blog reader, so sorry if this is common knowledge. How did you and the Dude meet? What's he like in a few words?
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My First In-N-Out Experience: A Play In Three Acts
Act I:
Act II:
Act III:
In light of the sequester cancelling Fleet Week, I am currently taking suggestions for a sequestration-themed episode of Sex And The City.
So far, all I have is Carrie’s voice-over saying: “Meanwhile, uptown, Samantha was going through a different type of furlough,” as the camera cuts to Kim Cattrall fucking some dude on a sheepskin rug.
I think this really has potential,...
“[Paltrow] then goes on to divulge some secrets of her world-besting beauty,...”
– Richard Lawson, national treasure.
ALERT
JOE BIDEN IS IN TIMES SQUARE RIGHT NOW
I REPEAT
JOE BIDEN IS IN TIMES SQUARE RIGHT NOW
ALSO
I AM IN TIMES SQUARE RIGHT NOW
THEREFORE
THAT MEANS
JOE BIDEN AND I ARE BOTH IN TIMES SQUARE RIGHT NOW
THIS IS NOT A TEST
Anonymous asked: lame question-- but can you please tell me some good resources for non-hideous lady briefcases? I find my internet researching just convinces me that these briefcase companies need to "lean in."
It’s Been A Rough Week. Here’s A GIF Of Joe Biden... →
monkeychow:
This has been an incredibly rough week. Joe Biden and his impeccable scarf game are here to help.
ATTENTION JULIA! This GIF can get it.
Nothing is better than this. The end.
REAL TALK
Everything fucking sucks.
“Today, I will not play Find the Culprit. I don’t care whether it was political...”
– “The Wolfe”: My sister lives in Boston & put some words together about how her & her city are doing today.
Nope, no reason. I just need this here.
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I swear to god, if I ever move out of New York City, I am going to buy a car and LEAVE SO MUCH SHIT IN THE TRUNK. Because only in ~*~THE GREATEST CITY IN THE WORLD!!!1!~*~ would people put up with treating themselves like goddamn pack mules just so they could have everything they need for a normal day at work.
Although, I suppose that’s the trade-off you make for living in a place where...
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“Pants are awful for everyone everywhere, the smothering twin-tubed oppression...”
– Everyday Should be Saturday, On Pants
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“There was a huge opportunity for Kate Spade to make this better, and now I feel...”
– Awesomeness Abounds: On Kate Spade: An update
“Sorry we were racist and treated you like a second class citizen. But here’s $300!”
Nope, sorry Kate Spade. You’ve lost a lot of customers over this, and I’m one of them.
Anonymous asked: There's an article on The Frisky with this quote from SC Justice Scalia I thought you might enjoy... “Every cloud has a silver lining, and one of the benefits of the exclusion of women from most professions was that we had wonderful teachers, especially the women who today would probably be CEOs.” Woof.
REAL TALK
“Eating Chipotle for lunch at my desk” should be considered just as valid of a reason to reschedule a meeting as “illness” or “family emergency.”
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“Of course all you young people should go out!”
– Hillary Rodham Clinton to Huma Abedin in August 2001, after Anthony Weiner asked HRC if Huma could have a night off.
This quote is by far the best part of the entire article.
I WAS GOING TO GO ON A RUN I SWEAR
But then I got work literally the second that I walked out the door, and now I’m done with my work but it’s 7:30 pm, and The Dude will be home soon, and if I go on a run and then shower afterwards I won’t eat dinner until like 8:45, so instead The Dude and I are just going to have dinner and cocktails on a patio somewhere.
PHYSICAL FITNESS
In another life, I will have...
An organized purse
Long, skinny legs
A perpetually clean bathroom
A regular skincare routine
An organized closet
A collection of well cared for and non-scuffed shoes
Until then…
